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2017-05-16

Image from her book

“We lack the conviction to become who we might be.” – Jason Silva

I read that on his page and in many photos, memes, magazines, and a tough comes quickly to my head. “I was the biggest failure I knew” that J.K.Rowling phrase echoes in my mind every day. At 40 and after been unemployed for some years because I needed to care for my kids, now it’s dawn on me how I didn’t cared about careers in my youth, I had a husband and a baby and that was all I wanted to think about.

And now, as a widow and after all the parenting I can have a breather, I find myself at an age where “make dreams come true” is something I can pursue but seems out of reach. Not for lack of desire but for living in times where youth is more desirable in all aspects.

Adding the fact that some courses will not be enough and getting a degree at this point is not a reality, I am feeling it all. It’s the excitement of finally been able to do something but the sadness of knowing how limited my options are. I understand what limbo might be like.

The last time I felt this emptiness was 15 years ago when my husband died. I had no idea of what to do with my life. So I started studying architecture, one of my passions. It was my therapy and my ticket back to life. But then a year later another reality check, my 2 year old was autistic. No more studying and work full time.

Now, 15 years later I am in a crossroads again. Only that this time I don’t have the youth and I’m completely oblivious of what I can or cannot dream about.
I would love to seat with you J.K. Rowling and pick on your brain. I would squeeze that brain of yours in search for some light and search for that magic and get inspired.

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